Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Am I all over the map?
What's up PRIDE!?! Just wanted to post a quick note explaining the direction of my mixed up blog. When I started this blog I thought I would just write about myself and experiences I had. Then after I got it up, I noticed I started venting instead. So I think this blog will end up being more of a story board than anything. So for those of you who don't know what a story board is i'll enlighten you. A story board is a blog/list of short stories that may or may not have anything to do with anything or each other. I am from Texas so some of my stories may be regional in scale but they will all have some national value but either way they are all entertaining. This blog has started out thus far as a soap box for me to vent, brag, or entertaining stories for the world to read so when you can't tell what direction i'm going then rest assured neither can I. Read on...
Thursday, August 2, 2012
My First Post
I should have been more honest with my very first posting but I didn't have the hang of it yet. While I'm not completely sold that I really have any hang of any damn thing, I will try to be more straight forward. Seeing the entire world is my audience, I must help you get to know me and I suggest you sit back have a drink and relax because this will be an interesting read.
I will open the box that is the epitome of Pandora and the twisted in sister, my life as it happened. We won't do the stereotypical childhood shit, we will go straight to the beginning of my children's childhood. My life before children in no way prepared me for a life with them. The answer to a child's question about life should come from an adult and that's not until your 30 (if your a man) so what happens when you start having kids at 16? Well the answer to that is what this blog is all about. If you still don't get why you should continue to read this blog then I will spell it out for you. You will continue to read this blog because you don't know me, but you want to know me because I am the guy that tells the story. I make some completely random choices in life and very strange things happen to me so I'm sure this blog will be great reading. The entire point of life in my humble opinion is relationships. The contact we have with other living beings is " life " and this blog is a short summary of my view of life.
So since we are starting at my teenage years you must first understand that by the time I was 16 I had attended 7 funerals and most of those were close family to include my father. The loss of my father and moving five hours away from what little family i had left made me feel alone and looking for love to fill the holes in my heart. This need to replace the love that I had lost in my family had me more interested in relationships than ever so I was very sexually active. By the time I met Jennifer ( I was 15 ) I had already been intimate with 15 or so women all ranging in age from 14 to 18 so she wasn't the only "adult" just the oldest and first big girl I hooked up with. Now by "big" I mean she was bigger than me but small enough to stay active in the Air Force. So size wise she was 5'8" at 170lbs I'd guess. I only weighed 150lbs at 5'10" so I wouldn't say she was real big but she wasn't the smallest pea in the pod.
Jennifer wasn't the hottest woman no matter the size but she was the magic age of 21. I sold my sex, seed, and the first slice of my soul for free alcohol. What the fuck was I thinking? Now I can get all the alcohol I can drink and only get laid when I apologize for everything I had done since the last time I had sex and this routine can take up a good part of a month. But here I am a fifteen year old horny boy that is being given all the perks of being an adult with out any of the responsibility or consequences. This woman would do everything I asked, why would I have stopped? Since she was so giving and only asked for sex in return, I was an easy sell. What I didn't know then was she had planned on pulling the "trap" on me. The "trap" is what guys call a woman that gets pregnant as a way to keep a man. Minus the whole pregnancy thing, this is every mans dream. I thought I was living the life! Hell the more I think about it the more jealous I am of the younger me. My only question is, how come I didn't use a condom? Why did I listen to that woman? What did I think caused the baby "virus?" Jennifer was in control to be honest because she told me she was catholic and practice the rhythm method. This is the method that follows a woman's menstrual cycle. I couldn't explain it then and I can't explain it now. Jennifer knew she wanted a child and not just in bed, she wanted a baby. After she pulled the trap I started to shy away from her. I stuck around for a few weeks then disappeared until the birth of my first daughter. I went to the hospital the day after my daughter Kloe was born and stayed for a couple of months. Things weren't destined for a story book ending due simply to the fact that I was now 16 years old and I realized I didn't want to grow old with this woman. To be honest, I didn't think I was going to live past 30 and there wasn't a woman alive I wanted for longer than a couple weeks. So Jennifer moved on, she figured she got half of what she wanted so she went to look for the other half. The next few months of my life were a slow downward spiral that I couldn't see or feel. Guidance is the one thing in life I didn't get and still don't have.
I will open the box that is the epitome of Pandora and the twisted in sister, my life as it happened. We won't do the stereotypical childhood shit, we will go straight to the beginning of my children's childhood. My life before children in no way prepared me for a life with them. The answer to a child's question about life should come from an adult and that's not until your 30 (if your a man) so what happens when you start having kids at 16? Well the answer to that is what this blog is all about. If you still don't get why you should continue to read this blog then I will spell it out for you. You will continue to read this blog because you don't know me, but you want to know me because I am the guy that tells the story. I make some completely random choices in life and very strange things happen to me so I'm sure this blog will be great reading. The entire point of life in my humble opinion is relationships. The contact we have with other living beings is " life " and this blog is a short summary of my view of life.
So since we are starting at my teenage years you must first understand that by the time I was 16 I had attended 7 funerals and most of those were close family to include my father. The loss of my father and moving five hours away from what little family i had left made me feel alone and looking for love to fill the holes in my heart. This need to replace the love that I had lost in my family had me more interested in relationships than ever so I was very sexually active. By the time I met Jennifer ( I was 15 ) I had already been intimate with 15 or so women all ranging in age from 14 to 18 so she wasn't the only "adult" just the oldest and first big girl I hooked up with. Now by "big" I mean she was bigger than me but small enough to stay active in the Air Force. So size wise she was 5'8" at 170lbs I'd guess. I only weighed 150lbs at 5'10" so I wouldn't say she was real big but she wasn't the smallest pea in the pod.
Jennifer wasn't the hottest woman no matter the size but she was the magic age of 21. I sold my sex, seed, and the first slice of my soul for free alcohol. What the fuck was I thinking? Now I can get all the alcohol I can drink and only get laid when I apologize for everything I had done since the last time I had sex and this routine can take up a good part of a month. But here I am a fifteen year old horny boy that is being given all the perks of being an adult with out any of the responsibility or consequences. This woman would do everything I asked, why would I have stopped? Since she was so giving and only asked for sex in return, I was an easy sell. What I didn't know then was she had planned on pulling the "trap" on me. The "trap" is what guys call a woman that gets pregnant as a way to keep a man. Minus the whole pregnancy thing, this is every mans dream. I thought I was living the life! Hell the more I think about it the more jealous I am of the younger me. My only question is, how come I didn't use a condom? Why did I listen to that woman? What did I think caused the baby "virus?" Jennifer was in control to be honest because she told me she was catholic and practice the rhythm method. This is the method that follows a woman's menstrual cycle. I couldn't explain it then and I can't explain it now. Jennifer knew she wanted a child and not just in bed, she wanted a baby. After she pulled the trap I started to shy away from her. I stuck around for a few weeks then disappeared until the birth of my first daughter. I went to the hospital the day after my daughter Kloe was born and stayed for a couple of months. Things weren't destined for a story book ending due simply to the fact that I was now 16 years old and I realized I didn't want to grow old with this woman. To be honest, I didn't think I was going to live past 30 and there wasn't a woman alive I wanted for longer than a couple weeks. So Jennifer moved on, she figured she got half of what she wanted so she went to look for the other half. The next few months of my life were a slow downward spiral that I couldn't see or feel. Guidance is the one thing in life I didn't get and still don't have.
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Methaphor is a Nice
Stories are. Not just that they are, but they are it. But just what is, it? The question would be easier to answer if it is rephrased as "What isn't it? What doesn't have a story? Who doesn't have a story? Even time it's self has a story. Time is the constraints of stories and at the same time it is also the thread that holds the story together. So what does that mean? It means life is just a story and it is up to the author to give that story a life.
ANSWER: A metaphor is a verbal stutter.
Life is the sum of the relationships had by one object to other objects. That is the most generic way to state it so that every living person can understand the way I look at life. "Bob" is not important in my life because he put me here with you all and you people are who is important to me. If he wanted me to follow in his foot steps then he will come down here and drag me by my ear. From what I see from where I'm standing, the people in this world need my love more than he does.
Friday, July 20, 2012
Is "GOD" Trying to tell me something?
I'm not religious, not in any shape or fashion. So by "GOD" I mean the almighty in which you blame for all the bad and beg to for all the good. So from this point forward in this blog, "GOD" will be referred to as BOB. If I would have thought about it a little longer the title of this posting would have been the name of the blog. One day I promise to go through all these posts and arrange them chronologically because with me as with most everyone else, I feel the backstory is essential.
I ask if BOB is talking to me because I wonder why certain things happen to me. I'm sure everyone has that thought, but is it because you see complete random shit happen? Since you can't answer that, I'll explain my latest odd sighting. I witnessed the disappearance of all testosterone in the blink of an eye. I work as a salesperson so I drive around all day so in sure I have a better chance of seeing weird things but there are certain things you just have to experience yourself. One of those things is the adventure and mixture of pure fear and sheer amazement when you hit a flying animal(s) at 70 mph (See what hitting a chicken at 120 mpg looks like click here). I have had a swarm of crickets try fruitlessly to jump across the highway as I was passing them and my reaction then was much like today when I watch as two birds tried to cross a super busy highway in the middle of the 8th largest city in the U.S. I don't know why it looked possible to an animal whose sole purpose in life is flight but this fat fucking pigeon just slammed into the top of my windshield and made me scream like a 3 year old child.
On a normal day birds are flying all over the place, but those are the majority, what about the minority? The animal world has minorities too. They have defects like three eyes, bad bones, and mentally challenged as well. Well guess what BOB showed me today? He showed me that even birds can have weight problems. If I really think about it, this bird, who we'll call "Pudgy The Pigeon," had a weight issue and had to be a mentally challenged bird. Pudgy wasn't alone but the other bird didn't get hit so I'm thinking Pudgy was a wing man.
So as I'm driving down the highway, I saw the birds flying low and as slow as my brain is, the next 10 seconds seemed to take an hour. My brain hadn't had time to really think about what was happening so as I watched Pudgy start to veer towards me I don't know why but I was automatically starting to feel fear. Thinking back that fear was probably for the bird, which is so unlike me because I truly believe if you are dumb enough to slam yourself into an oncoming truck then you get what you asked for. Fat birds are food for a lazy predators like me, only the strong survive. I'm thankful that the only real adversary man has is the planet herself mother earth, because if I was a pigeon, my name would be Pudgy.
NOTE: I found a video on YouTube that made me look like a big chicken. LoL
I ask if BOB is talking to me because I wonder why certain things happen to me. I'm sure everyone has that thought, but is it because you see complete random shit happen? Since you can't answer that, I'll explain my latest odd sighting. I witnessed the disappearance of all testosterone in the blink of an eye. I work as a salesperson so I drive around all day so in sure I have a better chance of seeing weird things but there are certain things you just have to experience yourself. One of those things is the adventure and mixture of pure fear and sheer amazement when you hit a flying animal(s) at 70 mph (See what hitting a chicken at 120 mpg looks like click here). I have had a swarm of crickets try fruitlessly to jump across the highway as I was passing them and my reaction then was much like today when I watch as two birds tried to cross a super busy highway in the middle of the 8th largest city in the U.S. I don't know why it looked possible to an animal whose sole purpose in life is flight but this fat fucking pigeon just slammed into the top of my windshield and made me scream like a 3 year old child.
On a normal day birds are flying all over the place, but those are the majority, what about the minority? The animal world has minorities too. They have defects like three eyes, bad bones, and mentally challenged as well. Well guess what BOB showed me today? He showed me that even birds can have weight problems. If I really think about it, this bird, who we'll call "Pudgy The Pigeon," had a weight issue and had to be a mentally challenged bird. Pudgy wasn't alone but the other bird didn't get hit so I'm thinking Pudgy was a wing man.
So as I'm driving down the highway, I saw the birds flying low and as slow as my brain is, the next 10 seconds seemed to take an hour. My brain hadn't had time to really think about what was happening so as I watched Pudgy start to veer towards me I don't know why but I was automatically starting to feel fear. Thinking back that fear was probably for the bird, which is so unlike me because I truly believe if you are dumb enough to slam yourself into an oncoming truck then you get what you asked for. Fat birds are food for a lazy predators like me, only the strong survive. I'm thankful that the only real adversary man has is the planet herself mother earth, because if I was a pigeon, my name would be Pudgy.
NOTE: I found a video on YouTube that made me look like a big chicken. LoL
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